I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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