you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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