Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
