Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
