So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
