My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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