Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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