I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
