i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We just shotgunned beers for America
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
