I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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