I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ketchup is God's man juice
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
