how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
