PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
