she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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