Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
