the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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