KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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