she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
