Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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