wrigley field is MILF paradise
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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