So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
