College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
