i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize