Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
