You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
