Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
another moral hangover. fuck.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
