I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize