he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
