I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
