why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
