I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
