All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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