My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
