youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
