a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
