i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
