so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
