i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
