She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
