I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
