Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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