I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
