I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
