I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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