I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
