I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this boner is exhausting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The uberlube is also flammable
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
