it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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