She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
