Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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