You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize