its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm having to shit out rocks
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
