I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
vagina is talking i cant
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
