you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
