My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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