see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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