Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
