So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
