he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
