im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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