apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
