I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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