So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
