He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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