Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
