well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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