Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
