Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
high people should be assigned attendants
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
