Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize