I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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