He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
