break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
