That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
