There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
