ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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