What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
