just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
