I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
